Poker Quote Wisdom

Not A Human With Less Regard For Money Than Me

2010-02-25T06:28:00.000-08:00

"Right now there is probably not a human being in the world with less regard for money than me. I make bets for thousands of dollars that I know I can't win. I was at the poker table once and made a $5,000 bet with Howard Lederer that Shawshank Redemption won best picture. Doyle Brunson told me not to make that bet because he made it once and lost. Of course, I didn't listen, and had to give Howard $5,000."

- Mike Matusow

Ignore Doyle Brunson's advice at your peril.

A Game About People

2010-02-23T02:48:00.000-08:00

"No matter how much you may want to think of Holdem as a card game played by people, in many respects it is even more valid to think of it as a game about people that happens to be played with cards."

- Phil Hellmuth

People are always giving away information when they play Holdem; it may be a tell of Kramer-esque proportions or simple betting patterns. Part of your game play needs to be based on the cards in your pocket and on the board, but another, possibly larger part, needs to be based on what you have learned from your opponents. Like Mike's quotes in "Rounders", always keep watching them.

The Gambler's Fallacy

2010-02-20T16:48:00.000-08:00

The "gambler’s fallacy” is the belief that the more often something has occurred (ie bad hands in poker), the less likely it is to occur in the future. Poker players often lament that they are “due for aces” or that they “will definitely hit their next flush.” Players who believe in the gambler’s fallacy may be less willing to bet after wins and more willing to bet after losses.

- G.Smith M.Levere R.Kurtzman, Poker Player Behavior After Big Wins and Big Losses

Everyone is different, of course, so no one rule will apply to all opponents. But watch out for changes in play styles for people who win and lose big hands. Some players will loosen while others will tighten depending on what strategy they believe best. If you can observe these changes, it will put you in the driving seat against them when the situation next arises.

Rolled Up Aces Over Kings

2010-02-15T05:36:00.000-08:00

Worm: Hey, you know what cheers me up when I'm feeling shitty?

Mike: What?

Worm: Rolled-up aces over kings.

Mike: Is that right?

Worm: Check-raising stupid tourists and taking huge pots off of them.

Mike: Yeah?

Worm: Stacks and towers of checks I can't even see over. Playing all-night, high-limit Hold'em at the Taj, "where the sand turns to gold."

Mike: F*ck it, let's go.

Worm: Don't tease me.

Mike: Let's play some f*cking cards!

- Rounders, 1998

A positive frame of mind will show results at the poker table, as its the polar opposite of going on tilt. One of the worlds great tilters, Mike Matusow, has talked about the fantastic 2008 WSOP he had by thinking positively, and while Happy Thoughts alone won't gift you that one in three river card, they might stop you throwing your whole stack away chasing it.

Killing Two Birds With One Straight

2010-02-12T20:37:00.000-08:00

Dr. Gregory House: [giving poker advice over the phone to Wilson] Go all in.

Dr James Wilson: You obviously want to bust me. Why would you —

Dr. Gregory House: Either you go all in or I tell everybody in the building that you're wearing toenail polish.

Dr James Wilson: I'm all in.

Dr Lisa Cuddy: I'll call. I'm betting you have a pair of threes, but even if you have three, it's not going to beat triple nines.

Dr James Wilson: [turning over his cards] Oh, oh, oh no, oh no! Oh, Ohhh that's gotta hurt.

Dr. Gregory House: What happened?

Dr James Wilson: I just killed two birds with one straight. Goodbye.

Dr. Gregory House: Fine, keep playing, but I need you to recommend a good Oncologist because if I don't get one up here in the next few minutes, I got a dead 6-yr-old.

- House, MD., 2006

Never get goaded (or blackmailed!) into making a particular bet by your opponent. The person driving you into that bet probably doesn't have your bankroll's best interests at heart!

Confessions of a Winning Poker Player

2010-02-09T15:43:00.000-08:00

MIKE: In Confessions of a Winning Poker Player, Jack King said, "Few players recall big pots they have won - strange as it seems - but every player can remember with remarkable accuracy the outstanding tough beats of his career." Seems true to me, 'cause walking in here I can hardly remember how I built my bankroll, but I can't stop thinking how I lost it.

- Rounders, 1998

Runs in poker come and go; the measure of a good player is how well they handle the lows. Its better to quit for a bit than throw a large slice of your stack away in a short burst... be wary of playing on tilt.

I Bluffed. I Am Coming.

2010-02-06T17:31:00.000-08:00

Jack: Poker night? How many play?

Liz: Oh, you're not going to come to our crappy poker night, are you?

Jack: No, I'm not going to come.

Liz: [relieved] Good!

Jack: I bluffed. I am coming.

- 30 Rock, 2006

Was it a good move for Jack to show Liz the power of his bluffing, or did she just learn something about Jack's willingness to bluff? Use bluffing sparingly, and mix up the times and situations in which you do bluff so that observant opponents do not draw a bead on your routine.

The Church Ladies League Play Cutthroat Poker

2010-02-03T01:59:00.000-08:00

Vint: What are you doin’?! This is not the Church Ladies League!

Mama: I know. I would never be winning this big down at the CLL. Those women play cutthroat poker.

- Mama's Family, 1988

You can't judge a book by its cover, and you certainly can't tell how good a poker player is by the way they look. Use nothing less than your own observations to decide how best to tackle a certain opponent. And remember: old ladies can play poker too!

Does This Seem Like Gambling To You?

2010-01-27T15:48:00.000-08:00

Mike: Why does this still seem like gambling to you? I mean, why do you think the same five guys make it to the final table of the World Series of Poker EVERY SINGLE YEAR? What, are they the luckiest guys in Las Vegas?

- Rounders, 1998

While there is certainly randomness in the game, Poker is about making the right decisions consistently over a long period of time. It's not about luck - its about using the information presented to you to make the best decision possible.

Three Cards For Homer

2010-01-23T13:49:00.000-08:00

Lenny: You want another card or not?

Homer: Huh? Oh, OK. I'll take three.

[Moe deals them]

Homer: Doh! Doh! Doh! I mean... Woo hoo.

- The Simpsons, 1994

Be careful not to give away too much information when you look at your cards, unless it is a carefully planned bluff.

So Called Chips

2010-01-20T13:34:00.000-08:00

Moe: Homer, you want any cards?

[Homer starts choking]

Moe: Homer!

[hits Homer; Homer coughs up a blue chip]

Homer: Whoa! Don't try to eat these so-called "chips".

- The Simpsons, 1994

Whether you play conservatively or aggressively really depends on what works best for your play style; however you can never have too many chips, so don't try and eat them.

The Flounders Attract The Sharks.

2010-01-18T12:59:00.000-08:00

Mike McDermott: The game in question is No-Limit Texas Hold 'Em. Minimum buy-in $25,000. A game like this doesn't come together often outside the casinos. The stakes attract rich flounders, and they in turn attract the sharks.

- Rounders, 1998

If your regular cash game is full of chumps, then do your best to protect your patch lest better players come in and tap your revenue stream!

Bluffing With A Straight Flush

2010-01-16T14:47:00.000-08:00

Moe: I'm in. [tosses a chip into the pot]. Let's see your cards.

Homer: Oh, I was bluffing. [shows his cards]

Moe: Ha ha! Come to papa... wait a minute! You have a straight flush, Homer! You do this every time, you - oh, you - oh! Gah! I'm choking on my own rage here.

- The Simpsons, 1994

It can be frustrating to lose to someone who misreads their hand and then plays according to that error, but dont lose sight of the fact that these are exactly the sort of poker players you want to be playing against, as most of the time the odds will be heavily in your favor.

No-one cares what you know.

2010-01-12T18:10:00.000-08:00

Eddie: Twenty grand, open.

"Hatchet" Harry: Thirty thousand. Back to you, already-Eddie.

Eddie: Fifty grand.

"Hatchet" Harry: Eighty grand.

Eddie: One hundred grand.

Other Player: Whoa, whoa, whoa, look fellas, I know...

"Hatchet" Harry: I know you're not in. Which means, no-one cares what you know.

- Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, 1998

If (and when!) you fold, your influence on the game stops there. However, the game's influence on you shouldn't stop - keep watching the remaining players and how they play. Watch how they are betting, if they are making any large raises or unusual checks. If they show their cards at the end of the hand, you may learn a lot about what sort of calls they are making with what sort of cards.

I'm Out...

2010-01-09T13:02:00.000-08:00

Moe: All right, I raise a quarter.
Carl: I'm out.
Lenny: I'm out.
Barney: I'm out... whoa (passes out & falls over in his chair).

- The Simpsons, 1994

Poker night at Lenny's house doesn't go so well for Barney. Remember to take it easy on the liquor if you want to win the night... to finish first, first you have to finish!

Unwarranted Gambles Of Poker Winners

2010-01-07T16:41:00.000-08:00

"In poker, winning a big hand is exhilarating and losing a big hand is depressing. These emotions may carry over into subsequent hands, with players more likely to take unwarranted gambles after winning and less likely to do so after losing."

- G.Smith M.Levere R.Kurtzman, Poker Player Behavior After Big Wins and Big Losses

This academic research shows that some players get lloser after big wins and you may expect some players to clam up after loses. These findings are consistent with Doyle Brunton's Super System, which recommends loose-aggressive play after big wins in order to bully opponents into submission. Watch for opponents behaviours after big wins or losses, and if they are tightening up then consider the opportunities to bluff or dominate them. Likewise, over-aggressive winners may be taken down if you catch them bluffing when you have the nuts.

Fortunes Can Change

2010-01-05T13:05:00.000-08:00

Mike McDermott: There's no other game in which fortunes can change so much from hand to hand. A brilliant player can get a strong hand cracked, go on tilt, and lose his mind along with every single chip in front of him.

- Rounders, 1998

Poker is as much a sport as a card game; the ability to keep emotions in check is vital to making the correct decision. This ability can be sorely tested when you are on the receiving end of some bad beats. Trying to keep a level head can be the hardest part of the game, even the pros can struggle with it.

Poker Shack In The Swamp

2010-01-02T15:12:00.000-08:00

Lisa: You've done a lot of crazy stuff over the years and she stood by you. Why would she leave you now?

Homer: [frantic] Cause there's lots of stuff she doesn't know about!

Lisa: You mean, like your poker shack out in the swamp?

Homer: Uh-huh.

Lisa: She knows.

- The Simpsons, 1997

Any place is a good place to play poker.

Lucky Poker Bra

2009-12-29T21:41:00.000-08:00

Grace: Come on, just give me one more chance. I really want to win my money back.

Will: You won't win it back, Grace, because you're bad.

Grace: Please, please, please--

Will: No, no, no, no, no. I promised the guys--

Grace: Please, please, please--

Will: Ok.

[There is a knock at the door]

Grace: Ok, if you'll excuse me, I am going to go put on my lucky poker bra. [goes to her bedroom]

Will: Or at least a bra.

- Will and Grace, 2001

Not many pro poker players believe in good luck charms, but there is certainly no harm in having one. Lucky horseshoes, lucky clovers, lucky shirts (or bras!), or lucky pennies - who is to say it doesn't help dominate your opponents?

Gambling Doesn't Take Away His Pain

2009-12-29T12:55:00.000-08:00

Dr. Robert Chase: Gambling doesn't take away his pain.
Dr. Gregory House: [enters] It does if I win.

-House, M.D., 2008

Nothing feels as good as taking down a big pot in a tight. Just make sure you don't have a heart condition, the stress can be too much.

Holdem's Defining Moment

2009-10-29T14:04:00.000-07:00

Hold'em - like life itself - has its defining moment. It's the flop. When you see the flop, you're looking at 71 percent of your hand, and the cost is only a single round of betting.

- Lou Krieger

As Lou says, the flop reveals 71% of the information that you are going to get during a hand. You should know by now whether you are in a strong enough position to push hard, or if a more defensive approach is required.

The Cadillac of Poker

2008-06-06T15:42:00.000-07:00

MIKE: No-limit Texas Hold 'Em is the Cadillac of poker.

- Rounders, 1998

No doubting this one. For sheer numbers of players or media coverage, Texas Hold'em is King. (Or Aces).

There doesn't seem to be any solid numbers around to estimate the number of players globally of Texas Hold'em, but antidotal evidence is overwhelming. Just go into any poker room online and the Holdem tables will outnumber all others by about 20-1. Television coverage of Holdem is growing, and that brings more players to the game. This, in turn, drives more growth... Mike is definately right in this quote, No limit Texas is where its at.

Readin' People's Faces

2008-02-03T22:19:00.000-08:00

The Gambler: "He said, "Son, I've made a life out of readin' people's faces, and knowin' what their cards were by the way they held their eyes."

- The Gambler, 1978

Although not 100% reliable, poker tells can still be very helpful in studying the possible hands of your opponents. Several poker movies and poker books have even been dedicated to poker tells.

I Just Want To Get Drunk

2008-02-01T16:15:00.000-08:00

David: I just want to get drunk, f*cked up, and play some cards!

- The 40 Year Old Virgin, 2005

Playing in this state of mind may not help your game.

Mucking Cards Before You Were Born

2008-01-25T14:36:00.000-08:00

Stevens: I was mucking cards since before you were born.

- Shade, 2003

Don't show your cards voluntarily, unless it helps establish a table image that you plan to cash in on later. Whether you were bluffing or if you had it, your opponents need to pay to see your cards. Routinely mucking your cards prevents your opponents obtaining more information about your playing style which they may use against you.

Better Go Mark Some Cards

2008-01-14T16:22:00.000-08:00

Jerry Flynn: I got a hot poker game tonight. I better go home and mark some cards. One of us has got to make a living.

- Once Upon A Time, 1944

Need to mark some cards? Go here to find out how!

Sometimes Nothing's Enough

2008-01-13T12:56:00.000-08:00

Sharkey: You raised me with nothing?

Huck Cheever: Sometimes nothing's enough

- Lucky You, 2007

Bluffing with nothing? Play it strong, as you would if you were holding Pocket Ks or Rockets.

Maybe Poker Isn't Your Game

2008-01-12T12:52:00.000-08:00

Doc Holliday: Maybe poker's just not your game Ike. I know! Let's have a spelling contest!

- Tombstone, 1993

Occasional jabs at your opponent may wind up them up and lead them into mistakes.

Spot the Sucker

2008-01-09T12:00:00.000-08:00

Mike McDermott: Listen, here's the thing. If you can't spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker.

- Rounders, 1998

Keep an eye open for players repeatedly making mistakes or stupid bets, and when the time is right try and get a piece of that action.

Quite A Raise

2008-01-07T19:06:00.000-08:00

Eddie: That's quite a raise. That's 150 on my 100.

"Hatchet" Harry: Yeah. And is there anything else you want to say?

- Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, 1998

Is Harry bluffing? By watching how Hatchet had bet in earlier hands, Eddie would have some idea whether to cash in on this raise, or get out now before the damage gets worse.

Swim with the Guppies

2008-01-06T12:52:00.000-08:00

Huck Cheever: I'm down with the little fish tonight, swim with the guppies for a while.

- Lucky You, 2007

The big money can be made against the Pros in large tournaments, but there is much easier money in occasionally fleecing the new players.

Do You Know What A Straight Flush Is?

2008-01-03T18:15:00.000-08:00

Jack Singer: Do you know what a straight flush is? It's like... unbeatable.

Betsy: "Like unbeatable" is not unbeatable.

Jack Singer: Hey, I know that now, okay.

- Honeymoon in Vegas, 1992

When you have a huge hand (like Jack's Straight Flush) it's easy to get carried away and mistakenly believe it is unbeatable, when in fact there may be a higher hand out there. Think twice, and don't throw it all away on hands that may still get beaten!

Anyone Want To Play Poker Now?

2007-12-02T21:08:00.000-08:00

James Bond: Dry Martini.

Bartender: Oui, monsieur.

James Bond: Wait... three measures of Gordon's; one of vodka; half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it over ice, and add a thin slice of lemon peel.

Bartender: Yes, sir.

Tomelli: You know, I'll have one of those.

Infante: So will I.

Bartender: Certainly.

Felix Leiter: My friend, bring me one as well, keep the fruit.

Le Chiffre: [annoyed] That's it? Hm? Anyone want to play poker now?

- Casino Royale, 2006

Just as you need to keep a level head at the poker table, don't miss subtle opportunities to disrupt an opponent's calm. It might be enough to put them off their game. Which seems like a good reason to order another drink.

The Ladies

2007-11-30T11:44:00.000-08:00

Drew: You should go, Kellie. We're playing poker. It's kind of a man's zone.

Oswald: Steve, I have got to get the recipe for this 7-layer dip.

- The Drew Carey Show, 2002

Poker isn't football; at the card table women compete with the same strengths and weaknesses as men. Focus on your opponent's playing style, not their gender!

Watch Your Opponents

2007-11-28T16:34:00.000-08:00

Mike: Put a guy like me in a weak game like that, the cards themselves hardly matter. A fish acts strong, he's bluffing; acts meek, he has a hand.

- Rounders, 1998

Even if you fold a hand, your interest in that hand doesn't end. Follow how the remaining hands are played; you will acquire insight that will help you make better decisions in the subsequent times that you come up against that player.

A State Of Mind

2007-11-28T02:02:00.000-08:00

Peggy: Why dont you ask the "Old Master" about the time they picked him so clean he had to push the old car home?

Al: Hey, now I was off my game that night. I was nervous, I couldn't concentrate on my cards. What with you being in the hospital having Bud and all.

- Married with Children, 1987

Learn from Al's mistakes by keeping a level head at the card table. Poker is a game of patience and tactics - the calmer you are, the better your decisions will generally be. Try not to let the birth of your first son put you on tilt!

A Poker Face Like Me

2007-11-27T15:48:00.000-08:00

Ted: [smiles indiscreetly at his hand of poker]

Bill: No, Ted. You gotta have a poker face, like me. [demonstrates]

Ted: Oh.

Bill: [looks at hand] Whoa! Three aces!

- Bill and Teds Excellent Adventure, 1989

Been dealt 7,2 off? Dont worry, it's just two pieces of cardboard. Suited connectors? Just two pieces of cardboard. Ace King? Just two pieces of cardboard. Pocket rockets? etc. Regardless of what cards you have, don't get excited - all you have in your hand is just two pieces of cardboard. But if your poker face is really really bad, then consider only playing online!

The Game-Long Trap

2007-11-26T11:30:00.000-08:00

The Man: Gets down to what it's all about, doesn't it? Making the wrong move at the right time.
- The Cincinnati Kid, 1965

Try and cultivate a certain table image amongst your opponents - then when the cards support it, play completely opposite. You often make the most money when you change your style of play; catch your opponents off guard with 'the wrong move' when really it's the right time.

Avoiding Tilt

2007-11-25T10:50:00.000-08:00

Roy: "I told you you'd get into trouble. It's because you don't know how to manage anything. I should know - I'm your accountant."

Oscar Madison: "If you're my accountant, how come I need money?"

Roy: "If you need money, how come you play poker?"

Oscar: "'Cause I need money."

Roy: "But you always lose."

Oscar: "That's why I need the money."

Roy: "Then don't play poker."

Oscar: "Then don't come to my house and eat my potato chips."

- The Odd Couple, 1968.

If you find yourself going through a patch where you always seem to lose, take a small break - an hour, a day, or a week. Even a short time away from the game can be enough to break a bad run of losses, and soon you will be able to afford those potato chips once more.

Table Image

2007-11-24T01:43:00.000-08:00

Zach: Sorry girls, it’s a Men only game.

Screech:
Yeah that’s right girls. Poker is real men sitting around scratching and burping.

-"Saved By The Bell: The College Years", 1993.

Table Image is about assessing how others might perceive your play. You should be trying to manipulate the other players into making false assumptions about you; this will help you lead them to a mistake that lets you take their stack.

Feeling Lucky?

2007-11-22T11:08:00.000-08:00

Cousin Zeb: “Uh, is this a game of chance?”

Cuthbert J. Twillie: “Not the way I play it, no.”

-My Little Chickadee, 1940.

Knowing when a hand is going your way (or when it is not) will remove a lot of the element of chance from poker. Table position, stack size, betting style and pot odds are all information that can help remove luck from your showdowns and replace it with big stack of chips.

Illegal Gambling Ring

2007-11-22T01:52:00.000-08:00

Lt. Murtaugh: This watch is worth over three hundred dollars. Captain gave it to me for breaking up an illegal gambling ring.

Steve: Acceptable.

Carl: But, Lieutenant, you love that watch. That's the watch you refused to sell when your mother needed that operation.

- Family Matters, 1991

The first rule of gambling: never bet what you cannot afford to lose!

The Definitive Poker Quote

2007-11-20T23:28:00.000-08:00

"The Gambler" by Kenny Rodgers, 1978.

"You got to know when to hold em,
Know when to fold em,
Know when to walk away,
And know when to run."

It makes sense to open the blog with a classic, so why not the most famous poker quote in the world from Kenny Rogers' song The Gambler. A good fold can be as valuable as a good bet. Watch your opponents at all times to see how they act in different situations - so if they try and put you to a decision, you know whether to bet into it, or whether to run.